How does the 20/20/20 rule work in military divorce?
As the spouse of a U.S. military member, you have for years relied on certain benefits just like all others who are married to members of the armed forces. Health care benefits are among the most critical.
However, now that you and your spouse go through a divorce, you wonder whether you may still be able to have access to certain benefits. This worries you. Well, you will continue to have benefits as long as you qualify under the 20/20/20 rule.
Continue to get certain military-related benefits
Under this rule, the former spouses of military members may continue to have access to medical coverage through Tricare – the U.S. Department of Defense’s military health care system – along with on-base shopping privileges at exchanges and commissaries.
In addition, former spouses also may qualify for certain retirement benefits.
Explaining the rule
But what is the 20/20/20 rule? And how does one qualify for it?
Any former spouse of a military member will qualify for specific benefits as long as these three critical components are in place:
- The couple must have been married for at least 20 years.
- The enlisted spouse must have served a minimum of 20 years of military service, creditable toward retirement.
- The spouse’s military service and the couple’s marriage must overlap for a minimum of 20 years
By understanding the details of the 20/20/20 rule you will gain some peace of mind.
Make sure you qualify
As your long-term commitment to this relationship ends, you must protect yourself. Throughout this marriage, you have made many sacrifices through cross-country and global relocations, career adjustments and explanations to your children. The 20/20/20 rule represents the protection you need as long as you qualify.
The surprising benefits of divorce
Nobody is going to deny that divorce can be painful. Even couples that aim to “consciously uncouple” and hope for a peaceful divorce go through their own share of frustration, grief and fear over the future.
But, contrary to common belief, divorce isn’t all bad. In fact, once you make it through the divorce process (and a bit of a mourning period), you may find that there are some surprising benefits to flying solo again. For example:
You may regain a sense of personal identity
Every marriage requires compromises, and relationships take time. When you look back on what you gave up in order to make room in your life for your spouse, you may find yourself slowly picking up new hobbies or redefining your style. Or, you may feel free to explore your own identity and interests in ways that you couldn’t do while married. That can ultimately make for a much happier you!
You may become a better parent
If your children are still minors, you may worry about how the divorce will affect them – but kids do pretty well if the parental conflict is kept to a minimum. In fact, your relationship with your children may thrive in unexpected ways because:
- You won’t be wasting energy on a doomed relationship and all the tensions and squabbles that go along with that. That will give you more energy to focus on the kids.
- You get some down time, since your co-parent will have the kids up to 50% of the time. That gives you a chance to pursue your hobbies or relax a little. When the kids come back, that respite can also help you be more focused on their wants and needs.
You may find yourself far less lonely
You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. In fact, being stuck in a house every evening and weekend with a spouse to whom you no longer feel connected can create a terrible sense of loneliness. Once you’re no longer married, you’re free to seek out the company of people who engage with you, wether that’s emotionally, intellectually or intimately.
If it’s time to get a divorce, find out more about how to get started and what you can do to minimize problems during the process.
You and the other parent of your child have been reasonable with each other over time. With small fluctuates in either party’s income, you usually left the child support order as-is unless it was going to have a negative impact on either one of your abilities to live comfortably.
Now, you’re questioning if you should take the other parent back to court because of seeing them spending a lot more money than usual. All this time, you may have thought you were doing them a favor not asking for more, but seeing them have more spending money than you and noticing that your child is sometimes going without things you’d like them to have is making you upset.
If you want to clear the air, it may be time to go back to court
One of the better ways to find out exactly what the other person is earning and how much support they should be paying is by going back to court through seeking a child support modification. It’s appropriate to seek a modification in a few different circumstances, such as if the other person gets a raise or if your child needs more support that you can’t provide yourself. If you lose your job or lose hours, you might also ask the other parent to cover more.
It can also be appropriate to go back to court if the other parent claims one income but seems to have much more. You might first try talking to them about how much they’ve seemingly been spending and how they’ve been able to afford those items. If they don’t want to discuss their finances, then you could talk to your attorney about seeking out more information or taking them back to court.
Collect evidence of the other person’s spending to support your reason for returning to court and asking for a support modification. Once the other person knows that you’re willing to return to court, they may be willing to discuss the situation with you honestly or may be able to explain exactly how they’re affording big-ticket items while paying lower support than you think is adequate.
Ending a relationship with the other parent of your children will likely be a stressful process. Both of you may experience intense emotions, and you may fight over things that had never been issues previously.
It is quite normal for those going through a rough breakup or a divorce to worry about the custody outcome for their family. Most people have heard horror stories from co-workers or on social media about a parent who loses touch with their children because of an unfair custody order.
You shouldn’t feel trapped in an unhealthy marriage just because you love your children and worry about losing access to them. Do you have to worry about your ex receiving preferential treatment in your Virginia custody case?
Neither parent has more rights than the other
Contrary to what some people think happens in child custody proceedings, there is no institutional bias against either of the parents. The judge making decisions about a parenting plan doesn’t give one parent preference over the other.
The custody laws in Virginia do not even discuss the genders or roles of the individual parents. Instead, the law uses neutral language to drive home how the focus of all decisions should be the best interests of the children.
A judge creating a custody order looks at the relationship that the parents have had with the children so far, their ability to support the children and even their willingness to cooperate with the other parent when they decide how to split up parenting time. If your ex is hostile toward you and tries to cut you out of the children’s lives, their actions might actually hurt their case for custody.
You can’t get what you don’t ask for in court
Some parents approach custody matters with a defeatist attitude. They think that they will never receive fair consideration in the courts, so they don’t even bother asking for shared custody. Those cases become examples of self-fulfilling prophecies. You can’t get custody if you don’t ask for it. You must assert your rights and show up for your children to remain a part of their lives.
Keeping the focus on what is best for the children, which likely includes frequent time with you, can help you take the right steps to pursue shared custody.
Some people say that home is where the heart is, but it is also where much of your personal wealth resides. The equity that you slowly accrue by making regular payments may represent a substantial portion of your overall personal estate.
The downpayment you made toward the home, the amount of your monthly mortgage payment that goes toward principal and the real-world financial value of repairs and upgrades made to the home could represent hundreds of thousands of dollars.
When you get divorced in Virginia, you and your spouse will have to agree about how to divide your property or have a judge split your assets for you. How can you protect all of the investments that you have made in your home during a divorce?
Figure out what the house is actually worth
One of the most important steps toward protecting your investment in the property is to establish the current fair market value for the home. Neither is the assessed value that determines your property tax obligations nor the principal amount for your mortgage will likely reflect the current value of your home on the real estate market.
You will need a current appraisal to know conclusively what your home is worth. Some spouses will hire two separate appraisers so that each spouse feels confident in the value assessed by the professional that they hire. If there is a significant gap between the prices returned by the two appraisers, the spouses can agree to meet in the middle agree and split the difference between the two appraisals.
Decide what outcome would be the best
Would you like to stay in the marital home until your children are adults? Would you prefer to receive your share of equity so that you can buy a new home of your own and start making new memories?
Thinking about what your preferences might be and exploring whether they are realistic or not are both important steps when planning for a Virginia divorce with big assets. Can you expect to qualify for a mortgage, especially if you have to offer your spouse some of the equity in the property?
To some people, retaining possession or continuing to live in the home will be their most important goal. For others, the biggest concern is just receiving an appropriate share of the home value in the property division decree. Setting goals regarding your biggest assets and the overall outcome of property division proceedings will help you plan for both your upcoming divorce and your life after divorce.
You have to juggle a million different details mentally when facing a divorce. The more complicating factors you have for your divorce, the harder it may be for you to separate your life from your spouse’s. If you own a business, then there is a lot at risk when you end your marriage.
Business owners may need to think very carefully about how to protect themselves and their company as they draw closer to divorce proceedings in Virginia. What are some of the most important considerations for divorcing business owners?
Is your business vulnerable in the divorce?
You already had the business when you got married or you inherited it, you may have taken certain steps to protect it, like executing a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement with your spouse. If not, you have to look and when you purchased the company or started it to determine if it is at risk in property division proceedings.
Determining whether the courts will look at your business as your separate property that doesn’t get split up or marital property that they have the authority to divide will play a major role in how you move forward with the divorce.
What is your business actually worth?
Someone who doesn’t understand the expenses and liabilities involved in running a business might think that a company is nothing but assets and income. However, businesses also come with a lot of liability and debts.
If your business is at least partially marital property, then it becomes very important for you to put a realistic value on the business. Factoring in debts, obligations and even the depreciation of business assets can help you minimize how much value from the company your ex can claim in the divorce.
What is it that your ex wants?
In addition to thinking about your legal obligations and financial circumstances, understanding your spouse’s motivation can be very helpful.
Perhaps they want to share long-term ownership of the company with you because they view it as a source of income. Maybe they just worry that they won’t get their fair share of marital assets if they don’t make a claim against the business.
Communicating with your spouse about their desires regarding property division could pave the way for a mutually beneficial settlement that does not impact your company at all.
Thinking about your unique needs as a business owner can help you prepare for the complex property division that often comes with business ownership in a divorce.
Military work can be demanding and emotionally draining. It can make it hard for active-duty service members to be as active as they want with their families.
Your military service will impact what happens during your divorce. There are a few special considerations that those in the military or married to someone in the military need to know before filing or when they learn their spouse wants to file.
Spouses can’t file during a service members deployment
Divorce is essentially a lawsuit unless spouses file for uncontested proceedings jointly. A judge looks over evidence from the relationship and hears testimony from both spouses to decide how to split their property and what to do with custody of any children the couple has together.
When someone who serves the military has been deployed, they are not in a position to advocate for themselves in court or respond to service notifying them of civil court proceedings. Only when someone returns from their deployment can their spouse initiate divorce proceedings against them. Those who knowingly and repeatedly violate this rule can face legal consequences.
Divorce will affect benefits for spouses and children
Military families receive benefits ranging from housing support to health insurance through Tricare. Depending on the circumstances of the divorce, the capabilities of the civilian spouse and the age of the children, there can be big changes in what benefits the family receives. A divorce can also have an impact on the compensation received by a service member.
Non-military spouses may have to relocate
Military families often live together on or right by military bases. Such housing may no longer be accessible for those who have divorced their military spouse. Especially if the civilian spouse does not currently have their own career, which is common due to the instability of the military lifestyle, they may have few choices but to move in with family or friends. Military families will often have to endure separation due to divorce, especially if there will be another deployment after divorce.
Navigating divorce is never easy, but it can be a lot more difficult if you or your spouse currently serve in the military. Professional help will likely be necessary to navigate the complexities of military divorce.
While the same state laws apply to the initial terms of your divorce regardless of your career, it’s important to also have guidance regarding the unique military considerations that may arise during your divorce. With the right support, you can avoid big mistakes during an upcoming military divorce.
Court orders are a key component of divorce. A Virginia family judge will enter an order determining how to split up a couple’s property. If they share children, there will also be a custody order. In scenarios where one spouse has more assets or earning potential than the other, there could be a support order, as is the case with divorces involving minor children.
Property division orders usually don’t receive any attention or revisions after divorce. The rare exception to this rule includes someone discovering hidden assets after the end of a divorce. However, custody and support orders can and arguably should change to reflect a family’s needs.
When your situation changes, your custody order or support order may no longer be appropriate for your family. The best way to handle such a situation is to request a modification hearing and have the courts officially change your custody or support order.
You can informally agree to anything, but the order remains enforceable
Some people don’t want to go back to court after a litigated divorce, so they might consider trying to make arrangements directly with their ex instead of asking for a modification. In theory, you could agree to change custody arrangements or even shift how much child support one parent pays the other.
However, informal agreements are dependent on the goodwill between spouses. As long as the original order remains unchanged, there is the risk of one parent choosing to weaponize the informal agreement against the other.
They could call and claim that their ex has not shown up for visitation or engaged in parental kidnapping despite a verbal agreement to change the division of parenting time. A parent who agreed to spend more child support to help cover additional costs for the children might suddenly stop sending extra, while a spouse who agrees to lower payments because the paying spouse has lost their job could ask for enforcement despite verbally agreeing to the lower amount.
Modifications give you protection in the form of an updated court order
Whether you need more child support or can’t show up for your current ordered parenting time, a modification protects you from inappropriate enforcement actions. It also officially notifies the courts of the change in your circumstances.
As with a divorce filing, you and your ex could agree to terms and file for an uncontested modification, or you could disagree and have contested proceedings. The courts will look at your circumstances and once again focus on the best interest of the children and the financial factors that influence spousal support when deciding what changes, if any, to make. Asking for a modification can protect you, your finances and even the relationship with your children.
Owning and operating your own business can be a great way to spend more time with your spouse, but it can also put a lot of strain on your marriage. Real estate investments can offer multiple paths to profit, from reselling homes after rehabilitating them to renting properties out to others.
Regardless of whether your investment property business contributed to your desire to divorce, your real estate holdings are going to complicate the process. The more money you have invested in real estate holdings, the more important a cautious approach to divorce becomes.
There are some questions that you need to ask yourself before you make any decisions about divorce as someone with substantial real estate investments.
Are your real estate holdings separate or marital property?
The first question about your real estate investments in a divorce is whether the courts have the authority to split them. You need to know whether they will be separate property owned by one spouse or marital property held by both.
When you purchased the property and the assets you used to pay for, invest in or maintain the property will influence whether it is separate or marital. If you owned the properties or at least some of them prior to marriage or received them as part of an inheritance, a portion of their value could be separate.
However, if you used income earned during your marriage to maintain or improve those properties, that could give your spouse a partial claim of ownership. The same is true of any sweat equity due to personal work on improving the property during your marriage.
Do you have a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement?
If you have a marital agreement on record, that could potentially earmark the properties as separate or provide guidance about how to split them.
What is the current value of your real estate portfolio?
Establishing a fair market value for the properties that you hold is crucial to the division of your assets. Especially if you have fixed the property up since buying it or you have held onto it for many years, what you paid for it probably isn’t what it is currently worth. You will need to determine the value of each property in order to make things as fair as possible.
What is the outcome that would be best for your situation?
Is the real estate market soft, meaning that you will benefit from holding the properties for a few years before selling them? Do you hope to sell the properties, receive a share of their value or continue working on or renting them out as a source of income?
Your goals will play a role in your strategy going into the divorce, as well as any negotiations you have with your ex. Knowing the value, status and best outcome for each property will help you achieve the best outcome.
Federal laws complicate military divorces
Virginia is home to many active-duty military personnel who get married and start to raise families. Like civilian couples, some of those marriages end in divorce. Military marriages can be especially troublesome when one spouse is deployed for long periods of time. Military personnel are also on call at all times, including Christmas and birthdays. The pressures of maintaining a military career might contribute to the downfall of a marriage, but military service should never be used to deny parental rights and equitable distribution of marital assets.
Military subject to state and federal divorce laws
A military divorce can be especially complicated due to Virginia and federal divorce laws both applying. While many people are relatively familiar with how state-level divorces proceed, the special regulations of the federal laws governing military divorce are less known. Generally, federal law will apply to assets, such as military pensions, while state law applies to child custody.
Federal courts can decide jurisdiction
A military divorce court also can choose which jurisdiction will apply. One spouse might live in Virginia while another resides in some other location. The federal court would have precedence in choosing which locale will handle the divorce and which state laws will apply in addition to the federal divorce laws for military personnel. Once the local jurisdiction is chosen, the divorce can proceed without any actual court appearances. The divorcing spouses can negotiate through respective attorneys and reach agreements instead of appearing in court.
Support more likely for a military spouse
The nature of military service often means that a divorcing spouse will need to relocate often and might not have income. Spousal support is generally ordered more often in a military divorce for that reason and can put a greater burden on active military personnel. An experienced military divorce attorney in the greater Richmond area may review your case and help to ensure that your rights are upheld.
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